[ironically enough, I can't end it right now..]
You were always there when I needed
If not in person, then in spirit
A simple phone call and I can’t hold back
Tears here and now brought on by smiles of the past
An “I miss you” loaded with unspoken “remember whens”
And I almost reconsider if we really need to end
Or if either of us can truly handle our just being friends
Wanting what's best for you but needing the best for me
I wonder if they’re different or if I just want you to need me
And though it’s the only way we’ll survive
For one reason or another
I don’t know how to say goodbye
As the words come to mind as the solution to this lie we call our life
I accept the reality but try to push it aside
Once they reach my lips I begin to agonize inside
Afraid I can't...
29 July 2010
15 July 2010
mini-me
if I could talk to little me
reveal life's secrets honestly
unravel falsehoods before they were formed
to bandage her uncut sores and shield her from unrained storms
I wouldn't
if I could speak to baby chai
undo the hurt of unteared cries
withhold the clouds so all her skies were clear with answers to her whys
and lighten the load of heavy sighs to come
I couldn't
if I were to profess to my own little miss
enlighten her on that and this
impart aged wisdom and provide a gist
of what this thing called life really is
I'd wish I hadn't
if I had to say something to the me before me
I 'd do so reluctantly
but I'll tell you what I'd say
I'd say baby,
it'll all be ok
when life goes unexpected
because even the steps that are misdirected are protected
so don't worry about what's in...
14 July 2010
miss
it's natural for me to find myself in you
the commonalities become mirrors rather than coincidence
home, rather than something like it
me, and not some extension thereof
everytime you come around
I find myself in yourself
define myself by your wealth
which is also mine, of course
see those things we see the same
cast aside those we don't cus they're so mundane
(compared to all we share)
compare our worlds
contrast our unalikes until they too aren't such extremes afterall
recall
how closely related they are if I
turn my head and squint like this
or
close my eyes and reminisce
on
something resembling someone who's whisper I miss
miss
miss..
(hm. no that can't be it)
cus nothing can be missing
if I am with you
and am complete
as I add to your puzzle, fulfill my best feat
made whole...
07 July 2010
take 6
the following turned into something like a written self-mandate, made public to make me further accountable. this way I'll have it to remind me and keep me focused.
so I've been thinking (I do that). and I decided to take a break from men. a watered down version of the "swearing off" of men that I would like to think is a lot less dramatic.
heeeere's a little background:
first boyfriend- age 16, he was 18, only saw him at church. he cheated and lied about it. dumped him. twice.
first "main"- age 17, he was 16 (I always forget that part), newbie from new york, my rebellious period, learned the art of sneaking out from him, he just wanted sex from me. and one of the other girls. I wouldn't give it to him or take his crap anymore so I bounced.
second boyfriend- age 17, he was 20?...
