28 June 2010

in love with you

My friend Jireh and I co-wrote a lil something for a banquet we're a part of. Inspired by Erykah and Stephen's "In Love With You"


Sometimes when I run my hands through your hair
I forget I'm not swimming through a cloud and I find myself floating away
Then, without trying or meaning to, I reach for
the ground
instead of allowing myself to reach the heights of true lovers' bliss

And increasingly more often, I'll look into your eyes and see
the oceans, lakes, rivers, ponds, pools:
that life giving substance that covers our earth and connects us to each other

And as I stare into the abyss of depth, I see a glimmer:
a thought swimming by. So I ask you What's on your mind, baby?
but you just

you smile
that smile that fills me with warmth
that begs me to say what I cannot say

that smile that says you need me to say
what I am unable to say

I say, I dig you baby, instead of
I need you baby
I need you

he said he's really diggin me
I don't know what to say
as soon as he spoke the words he
quickly turned his heart away
and left mine in just enough time to leave it open but unfilled
but that's when
he took my heart in his hands and kissed it gently
knowing but uneasy he changed the script on me
and in place of unfound words he said this poetry:
"I'm in love with you"
but he won't accept it
and I don't know why
through false professions of love he's been
broken and misused
stretched and abused
left unprotected, exposed, and misdirected
but so have I
all I wanna do is take his heart and protect it
in mine
asked me to let free my past so I left it
took from me all anxiety but ironically kept it
for himself, let it fester inside
I'm not askin for perfection; I just want him to try

And I try
And I try
And I try
And I try
And I try
I try
I try
And I try

She said she need more than a friend
That's all I ever been
But some day you gon overstand

but you've never been
just a friend
and you and I both know you were meant to be
my soldier
so baby come on; I need it desperately

Chaina I need to hear it: you're in love with me
Jireh: I just don't know how to be in love with you
Chaina: But you show that you know you're in love with me incessantly.
Jireh: But if I do more than show it, it might make it real
Chaina: Remember the somethings that you whispered sweetly in my ear that night I cried in your arms and didn't stop; it's already real
Jireh: Remember when I called you so angry I couldn't speak, but you were there and  you cried, I cried, we cried together? I can't do that to you again.
Chaina: You've already led me to your soul, just give me your heart to hold and we can continue on this journey together

tip-toeing on the pool of love trying not to fall in
we both prefer to sit
on the side and dip
our feet in until time permits
us to jump in
Chaina: but then again why wait, when we're both in need of the refreshing cool
Jireh: both burned from past miseries
Chaina: but it's in love that we'll find our needed healing

Alternating: You're in love with me (4x)
Alternating: I'm in love with you (3x)
Together: I'm in love with you

21 June 2010

can't let you go

I want to want to not want you but I can't.
I can see the heartbreak up ahead and it don't look too good
but it feels even worse
rehearsed the words time and time again in my head to tell you goodbye
but I can't let you go
no matter how hard I try
or would try if I cared to
truth is, I'm scared to
caught unawares through the kisses and stares
and knowing glances shared and
even in being unprepared I found joy in figuring it out with you

I don't understand: What did I do?
to deserve to be reintroduced to this feeling so few have known
only to have it threatening to be ripped away from me again?
staying and going, they both hold consequence
and in both circumstances the end is negative
ah but is this feeling not worth it?
I like to tell myself that it is
so I can just keep bein his
got me startin poems in the draft section of my phone on my way back home from his place
and when all but clouds are gone, he is the sun shone on my face
a message ensuring I'm okay
just as my day turns gray
makes me ignore all the ways I've convinced myself not to stay
not because no one else checks on me that way
but because when he does it it's...
maybe cus I want it to be
maybe cus something's actually there
but the fact that I'm even doubting makes me painfully aware
that something's not right
we never used to fight
and while spats can be expected, my heart is unprotected and it's not the small but the major that I've detected and I'm already fed up
until you say somethin about love
then I wonder if you're the one
or if it's just me caring too much
about stuff that shouldn't affect us
but does
and to be honest I don't know if I can do it anymore
I almost want to, but I can't go through it anymore
the door that you built for me to enter just sometimes
me unaware of what's happ'nin in your mind
cus you refuse to let loose and be lucid anymore
and on the opposite end
it's like my heart you can't get to it anymore
and I'm tired of guessing
and agenda pressing
while you assure me my agony is just nit-pickin and stressin
despite your so-called words of assurance
I think I've learned my lesson
before you had time to leave me and teach me the hard way
the power of knowing when to let go

14 June 2010

tout simplement

Où est-ce que vous allez
    quand vous fermez
    vos yeux?
Quand il pleuvrait
    est-ce que c'est
    le même dans votre cœur?
Mon bébé
    j'espère que vous savez
    qu'avec moi il n'y a rien de raison de peur
    pas de raison de peur

    marchez, marchez avec moi
        tout simplement
    je voudrais votre main
        dans le mien
        tout simplement
    vous êtes un roi
    un roi doit avoir du courage

Laissez-moi vous voir
    vous voir
    dans vos mots
Laissez-moi vous écouter
    vous écouter
    dans vos actions
Laissez-moi vous sentir dans m'esprit
Je voudrais vous savoir
Laissez-moi vous savoir
    tout simplement
    tout simplement

marchez, marchez avec moi
    tout simplement
je voudrais votre main
    dans le mien
    tout simplement
vous êtes un lion
un lion doit avoir du courage

Où est-ce que vous allez
    quand vous fermez vos yeux?
Même mieux: pourquoi?
Je voudrais
    que vous laissez
    laissez-moi vous savoir
C'est dans votre amour que vous devriez avoir le plus de foi
    avez la foi

    marchez, marchez avec moi
        tout simplement
    je voudrais votre main
        dans le mien
        tout simplement
    vous êtes un roi
    un roi doit avoir du courage

S'il vous plait
    marchez, marchez avec moi
        tout simplement
    je voudrais votre main
        dans le mien
        tout simplement
    vous êtes un lion
    un lion doit avoir du courage

keep reading for English

09 June 2010

redemption song

living in a land from whence I never came
not knowing the home of my ancestor's name
surrounded by minds trapped, trampled and shackled
but, like my unknown family, never spirits tackled
not my place of origin, but where I reside
not where my spirit, but where my worries lie
here, in the midst of ignorance and hurt
are a people filled with endless, contagious hope
hoping for the future we can nearly taste
hoping all these passions won't prove waste
hoping those with so-called power will give it a taste:
the remedy offered by we to heal this place
hoping for a saving grace of some kind
hoping for a people who choose to free their own minds
hoping that our hoping will become rearranged
into something more than hoping that can create some change
it's here that I am, and here that I'll be
til I'm convinced that here's no longer where I am destined I be
ignoring the implorin that try to test who I be
cus I am called amongst rainclouds to be one seen clearly
tired of just hopin; I want my people to see
we no longer only have
redemption song

Photo: Donald Black, Jr, 'Bound by Hope'

07 June 2010

tell me what ya want (what ya really really want)

I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with this phenomena of men who want what they want until they get it. Specifically, I have trouble understanding how one doesn't know how to handle what they claim is their desire.

Cats say they want the best of both worlds (hey- so did I). Someone you can chill with, bring around the boys, low-maintenance, similar tastes, and [bonus] a lil sum'm sum'm every now and then (and times in between) with no strings attached. Sounds pret-ty ideal right? Especially for college. At least that's how I, and guys I've known, have felt.

Fast forward.

Boy gets Girl. Girl is someone you can chill with, bring around the boys, low-maintenance, similar tastes, and [bonus] someone who'll give you a lil sum'm sum'm every now and then (and times in between) with no strings attached. Boy is so mesmerized by Girl's awesomeness he doesn't know what to do with himself and starts actin all crazy so Girl leaves, wondering if anyone can actually handle her cool.

There seems to be a gap somewhere between Boy finding Girl in all her awesomeness and Boy trippin. Any light you could shed on this would be greatly appreciated.

'preciate it,

03 June 2010


where the weather changes unexpectedly
(be it refreshing or cruel)
there is poetry

the frame more or less remains the same but the insides change
they always, however, mean something to me
he is poetry

tender or cold; a forced connection is made
for me it is love, another unhope
she is poetry

that thing with which you're said to love
the one that daily beats: life won
it houses poetry

that feeling that you cannot grasp
yet still somehow manage to have
it comes from poetry

that thought not yet put into words
exemplified in the wind's rustle through the trees
it leads to poetry

infinate nothingness
minute something
everything that is, isn't, and will be
can be found in poetry

all those without
all that within
begins and ends in poetry

stormy weather

I heard a lady say
somethin bout stormy weather comin her way
once her someone left her

there were times when the storms mimicked my pain
tears uncried released from the sky:
raindrops heart heavy as the lightening striked
and I did he from my life

but that lady
seemed like she sang her sad song forever

I remember a day
sittin outside
on a bench in the rain
light'nin then thunder then light'nin again
thinking of leaving to find shelter and staying instead
so serene
we watched and enjoyed from our seat in the front row

there was a storm before that
I tensed my body as the thunder crashed into our private party pushing us together
fingertips firmly pressed to my back
he was my shelter then

I see where she was coming from
but I've lived a little, and a lot I've learned
thought about it and decided
stormy weather aint so bad after all

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