08 February 2009

rough draft

AS I sit at the keyboard, emotions simultaneously overflowing and stilfed I struggle to find the words in which I usually find much comfort. Then, an epiphany: I can't find them, because they are no longer there. They were once.

And perhaps they still are, only in a new form, with new meaning. I am reaching out to them, whole-heartedly, concerned with what this loss could mean, and they reach back further in the opposite direction.


Not so. It is I who have changed. You see, I reach for words that still mean what they meant when we met, but these words no longer hold the same worth they did then, we have outgrown one another.

Also untrue: I have outgrown them, they haven't changed a bit.

Silly of me to think such terms could stay my crutch forever. Some words must, of course,
those 'the's and 'and's of our life, but not these simple adjectives that we allow to define us. Over time 'nice' must be exchanged for 'amiable' and who are we to hold our 'good' words to the standards of 'exceptional' ones? It's only natural, this transformation, yet somehow still surprising.

Surprising because while we know that over time we must grow, we can never surely say where or how the growth will take place. The comfort offered by the sufficient words we've always used dwindles as "sufficient" is ironically no longer enough.

What then?
Are there any options, really..? You can always add an 'ing' to your 'smirk' but that doesn't make it a 'smile'. The challenge is not in learning the new words, or even in using them. The difficulty arises when the old ones must be pushed into the background.
It says something about us: our decision against repressing those familiar words for new, unpredictable ones. But a choice to move forward says even more.

So, I've chosen for me. Forever at a crossroads where knowing meets doing; it's time to let those 'little words' go.

01 February 2009

well hello there

Hello, World.

I'm Chaina. I'm a thinker, a writer, a lover of people and things. and this is my blog.

on this site you will find all kinds off goodies: works-in-progress, completed poems, songs, and other writings, and the ramblings and insights of a (not so) random mind -which could include just about anything.

have fun. enjoy. and happy blogging.

ps. I like comments. comments are good. wanna chat about it? tweet me:[@cnickole].

The Case for Love

The Case for Love
The Precedent

Some call it the L-word, others spell it L-U-V, but this 4-letter word holds just as much power as its less-than-perfect counterparts. Often misconstrued as just another verb we can use, its changing power proves true and true again- if we let it.

The Opinion

A constant alteration of perception and a never-ending guide, it’s this single word that holds a key so readily available- often duplicated and often more so blatantly ignored, yet hardly ever used properly and to its full effect. The only true key to every city, every heart and every soul- the single-most reliever of this world’s most hurting strife. The shocking way in which to express everything and nothing in a language universally known and understood to man all across this planet.The undeniable approach to the argument unsupported that proclaims no words can express the feelings so many of us share. But it’s the historical presence of this word alone that inherently holds an understanding never-yieldingly clear. More than a feeling or expression, it’s an experience near unreal. Unparalleled by anything, its unbelievable nature is what makes it SO real. If ever there was a thought that asked the question Why are we here? The answer can be found within the lover’s telling smile.

The Dissent

Forever familiar with false connections with those I thought I wanted: I am yearning for the one I know I need. Having grown weary of mediocrity and misconceptions I have to recognize the best things come to those who wait, and so my journey's ended: I no longer can be an active participant in the search for love that is my life. Rather, I must patiently correct within that which I have allowed others to destroy in hopes that there will be another who can somehow be the fulfillment of the one void I can't complete alone. And when his path crosses mine, it is then and only then that I'll be free to be the woman he needs, I need, we need me to be, in a way that proves the sentiment is true...


Understanding my position does not introduce self-doubt. Instead it imlpements encouragement for a reality I can only imagine- for the time being.While there's an acceptance real there is hope steadfast and deadlocked, for realization is never to be confused with defeat.I anticipate my future, I look forward to my fate, and it's with a smile that I let my journey end.

24 May 2008

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