then

we chilled together
smoked together
shared our dreams and hopes together
cheifin til we float together
wrote together

were dope together

and when times got tough together
we'd just sit and cope together
we'd hang tight in any weather
no one better
shared a bed and
if I needed somethin from him, he'd comply down to the letter
made his chedder
then shared his bread
wit his girl
I rocked his world
but it's cool he rocked mine too
funny what a man can do
when all he really wants is you

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Didn't (Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda)

I wanted you to be my all.
Wanted mine to be the name you'd call
When you were lost and all alone.

You coulda been.

I wanted you to rescue me.
One to reveal the mysteries
That you keep hidden in your soul

You shoulda been.

You were my lover and my friend,
And when the story ends,
The one with whom I'd have grown

You woulda been.

If only you had been the man.
That I thought I had.
You coulda, shouda, woulda done that.
But you didn't.

I could have slowed my pace for you,
And been the one whose heart you knew,
If only I had stepped aside-

I coulda tried.

Had I thought about your blues..
Or the past you had been through..
Because I knew you needed time

I shoulda tried.

What I could have tried to do
Was to give a little clue.
And had I known you wanted mine

I woulda tried.

If only I had been the one
To tell you what I want..
I coulda shoulda woulda done that.
But I didn't.

Instead we played our little roles
An' stepped in seperate soles;
Avoidant of eachother when we both had the same goals.
Ignored our blatent passion
Dispite overt attraction.
And while it's too late now I know

If only we had somehow seen
What we could have been
We coulda, shoulda, woulda done that.
But we didn't.


I wish we had.

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master of disguise

so I was stuck and the homie (Jihaaad) hooked me up wiith a dope opening line. this is what I've got so far

You're not alone, but it's hard to tell; because everyone else hides so well.

The constant confusion caused by the spell under which you fell understandably became your wishing well.

Through the yells from his cell, you were the ring to his bell- though he put you through hell, and left you a bitter, brittle shell

of yourself.

You remained.

Ignoring the bed creeks as from your side he crept

You self-consoled until the morning wept

with you

And convinced yourself you knew with whom you slept

and didn't mind

Despite the fact that he returned, unkempt

You 'fought the good fight' and kept your head limp

Denying yourself of time better spent

cus you thought you couldn't find

someone better

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stuck.

I've got 8-10 pieces 'saved to drafts' with only a line or two in them. the mood is set but the details aren't. And I want sooo badly to find them.

I feel like writing comes naturally to me. I am used to being able to sit with my pen and paper or at my computer and watch as the words flow from me. I don't even know where they come from. My mind? My heart? Are these words even mine? Or are they Someone Else's words for me? I think it may be that last one.. (http://foreverinprogress.blogspot.com/2009/04/ars-poetica.html)

Anyway, there are often times when I'll write down a line or phrase and get stuck. [I awaited your response. And you were right about everything. Funny how that works, cus you never said a word..] Sometimes the idea will be there but the words won't quiiite fit. Other times I'll just get a form or mood for a sentence or piece which I'll have to go back to fufill. [I had so many words waiting on you for when... and now that... I'm speechless]
Then there are those times when the desire to write hits me and all I can do I stare at the words I've already written but need elaboration. That's when you get posts like these. Me writing (aimlessly) because I have to write.
(Sorry.)


Anyhoo I guess I've filled my quota for the moment. Just got an idea for a new piece..


-chaina.

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By the Way..

*hey readers. this one is a sort of collaboration from me and my girl alex a. (aka miss frizz). some recent activity has led us to an epiphany or two, and those ideas sparked this piece*

It's funny to me that you think you've got me pegged;
But I don't really see the need for you to get inside my head.
I'm not impressed, nor am I phased, by this he said she said.
Why's it matter to anyone but us that we sometimes share a bed?
And why is that an indication that someone ELSE can get me instead?
(It's not.)

It seems as though we're different, you and me:
You claim you just don't care; I act accordingly.

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beautiful lie?

I’m beginning to wonder if any of my male friends actually want to be friends with me. Actually enjoy my company. Actually want to do more than look at me. Or flirt with me. Or touch me. I am beginning to wonder how many of them actually like.. ME.


I’m not trippin off of these random cats. Why would I expect them to be strictly buddy-buddy when they clearly got my number because they were otherwise interested? I won’t even cause a ruckus over these idiots who are somehow under the impression that I “have a lot a niggas on my plate” yet still want a spot of their own. I don’t have to go into how backwards and sick that is- it’s not worth the headache anymore.


But my FRIENDS? Not only do I consider you my close associates- if not friends- but you are undoubtedly connected to the one man I AM messing with. And you know this! And after several reoccurrences I’ve stopped becoming appalled and now go straight to disappointed and frustrated. Not you too!
My girl says I’m crazy for being upset that men find me attractive. “You must be high.”
Nah- I’m hot (pun NOT intended). It has nothing to do with them finding me attractive. I appreciate the compliments. It’s about you trying to be or get more because of that. When multiple men of the same circle try to “go smack” at me it gets old. And I begin to wonder why they keep me around.


Maybe it's just a difference of mindset. Perhaps these guys have a 'fair game' policy in which it's cool for whoever wants to to take a shot. Like some game. I'm just saying I'm not interested in playing.


Part of me wonders who's to blame. Am I sending the wrong signals? Has the main givin the others 'permission' to go for it? Or are these fellas just that bold? But it doesn't really matter.


Just let it be known: I am single &unavailable.

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Maybach Music- Ode to the Mayach

Dearest school bus
Also known as the Maybach
Gone from us forever
Cus Frizz aint know the way to stop
We'll miss the good times
And the way you would zoom through
The strees of Atlanta
This one is for you, boo

I recall the first time I stepped foot in that ride
It was a spur-of-the-moment Thursday- it felt great outside.
The driver's name was Alex and she played the best songs,
With Frizz as the dj you couldn't go wrong
That night started a pattern, that whip was the center of my chi
If you saw Ms Frizz whippin, you'd prolly also see me

I never ever ever never thought we would lose it
And I'll miss listenin to that Maybach music

I can retell many a story of trips to the Suites
To meet wthe homies and climb some tree
I remember February nights parkin across from Spelman
No parking deck pass; it'd be cold as hell man
Even when it was cold, we still hadta walk
But it was cool cus we knew we'd be back in the Maybach

I never ever ever never thought we would lose it
And I'll miss listenin to that Maybach music

Yeah you used to blast the best cuts
You never rode solo, that's why we called it the bus
From constant passengers in the ride, you'd find just about anything
If you were hungry you could even find some pizza to eat
Yeah we used to clown on the whip sometimes,
But in the end we all new it was synonomous to cloud 9

I never ever ever never thought we would lose it
And I'll miss listenin to that Maybach music

I wouldn't ride in just anyone's car

But with you as the vessel, I knew we'd go far

In the 'Bach wthe homegirl was the place to be
Whippin through Atlanta, we owned them streets

Oh Maybach, our school bus, how we will miss thee

None can ever replace you, curse the man who hit thee!

I never ever ever never thought we would lose it
And I'll miss listenin to that Maybach music

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