08 November 2010

totally random blogpost about kwanzaa (and stuff)

man it's funny. I've been changing so much, right before my own eyes. I was not too long ago the every-sunday-church-goin, all-As-recieving, hair-relaxed-wearin, preppy-dressed, just-say-no-proclaimin, 'they-call-me-shy-cus-I-am'-introducin, save-myself-til-marriage Chaina. I'm no longer quite as reserved. and more and more I see myself becoming more.. "afro-centric"- maybe it's the hair. ha. seriously though, you couldn't have told me even 5 years ago that I would one day be sitting in a room in Paris, hair self-dreading, missing green, and thinking about celebrating kwanzaa. yes, kwanzaa. hear me out:

so I was thinking: non-christians shouldn't celebrate Christmas. or at least they shouldn't call their celebration and gift-giving Christmas. as I am currently searching myself and my surroundings for my personal 'where do I come from' answer to the great humanity question, I began to think, what if I decide I'm not a Christian? I still want to extra-spoil my kids once a year! not just that, of course. but the spirit of Christmas warms me. the family time energizes me. and the gifts have always been more about giving as a show of love for me than a time to recieve. so I thought of Kwanzaa. looked it up. and I really like it's tenants, its core. while I probably wouldn't wear african garb, I would most definately love a time to focus on (and focus my family on) the importance of unity, creativity, and self-determination for example. I would focus on it's connection to Africa for historical purposes, but not in a back-to-africa sense. I do not wish to imitate Africans, nor do I wish to insinuate that we're some kind of quasi-african, I simply wish to celebrate parts of their everyday culture that I also hold dear and appreciate.

what's more it lasts a week! this gives the family so much time to truely reflect on what's important. gives it time to sink in.

now is this a holiday? I wouldn't say so. but I also wouldn't say that mattered. it's a celebration of love, life, and responsibility. hmmm.. still thinking, but I really like this. PLUS it can't possibly clash with any religious tenants I may hold dear in the future (including Christianity) and will compliment them well, if needed.

I'm trying to tell myself I'm not becoming a characiture of some afro-hippie of the past but I must say, I'm only doing what I'm truely led to. it's just so strange, even to me, considering this is nothing like my upbringing. I mean my Grandma Lee celebrated/s kwanzaa but I never did with her, (I just remember reading it on the Merry Christmas/Happy Kwanzaa card with my gift). I was the first to go natural in my house (now there are 2 dreadheads and me), and even then it wasn't about going back to my roots so much as me wanting a wild curly mane, and not to learn how to relax my own hair. and what's more it's not that I'm influenced by some 'cool kids' group on campus. I'm in paris for goodness' sake, having random epiphanies about kwanzaa and letting my hair dread out of laziness. I guess I should be content and stop questioning myself, hunh? this is the real me. man this is wild.

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